Pages

Wednesday, December 25, 2019

Wray Christmas Letter 2019




Merry Christmas! We hope this letter finds you and yours well. 


Zoey (5) started Kindergarten and enjoyed performing on her competitive dance team at The Dance Club.
She has thoroughly enjoyed taking jazz, Ballet, and tap classes. She also did a season of soccer (per Judd's
request), but unfortunately did not love that as much. She talks about gymnastics nonstop and has convinced
me to put her in gymnastics starting this next year. 


Isla (3) loves talking and can keep a story going for 10+ minutes without taking any breaks.When she is not
talking, she can be found walking around the house singing “Let It Go” from Frozen as loud as she can. Isla
enjoys playing with Nixon and walking to Zoey's bus stop. Her world is full of friends and days of play and
she is also excited to start dance and preschool in the fall. 


Judd became a regional manager at Aptive this year and had the fastest growing region at his company.
He loves dirt biking with his brother and nephews down in Moab and in the mountains behind our house.
This summer, he drove his dirt bike off a cliff (luckily he bailed before also going off) and totaled it. He used
the insurance money to buy an electric bike (think the Tesla of dirt bikes) and has enjoyed being totally silent
when driving around. Judd spent most of the summer traveling to his different teams throughout the country.
He visited San Diego, Tampa, Newark, Long Island, DC, and Indianapolis. 


I continued growing my Pilates business (Mountain West Pilates) and teaching at UVU and BYU. I trained for
and ran the St. George Marathon in October. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed long distance running
and am currently training for the Disney World Marathon in January. I attended two personal development
and business conferences this year--one in Minneapolis and the other in South Carolina. I have a passion
for learning and growing so these were a major treat for me. I continued on my path to took two more
advanced STOTT Pilates courses this year--one for mat and the other for reformer. I love my Pilates clients
and working with them. It brings me so much joy to share my passion with others. 


One of my highlights this year was getting chickens. My aunt and uncle are chicken experts and with their help,
I now have 11 chickens! The girls have learned how to collect eggs, check their food and water, and carry them
around! Judd is not as thrilled about the chickens as I am but he is always a good sport and will help me with
their chores when I need it. 


We took a few trips this year that was such a treat to my soul. We went to Disneyland, Goblin Valley, and
Southern Utah a few times. Judd and I were able to sneak away on two kid-free trips. One to NYC and New
Jersey, where we visited Judd’s mission, and this fall to the Dominican Republic to hang out on the beach
and drink endless virgin Pina Coladas. 


We are grateful for the many prayers in our behalf. Thank you to our neighbors, family, and those nearby
who offer invaluable friendship for us and our daughters. I am so thankful for our Savior. I can’t put into words
the gratitude I feel for his atonement. I second what Paul wrote years ago, “For I am persuaded, that neither
death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height,
nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus
our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39 Thank you for being a part of our lives. I hope that you feel your Savior’s love for
you this season and new year. Love you all.


Best,
Camie, Judd, Zoey, and Isla 


Monday, December 24, 2018

Wray Christmas Letter 2018



Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! We hope this letter finds you well. Reflecting back on this year, we feel so grateful for the many wonderful people and blessings we have in our lives. This year has been a big one for us and we loved sharing it with our loved ones.


In July, we bought our home in Pleasant Grove. We have always felt connected to the mountains and love that we have the opportunity to be so close to them. Our home has been a nice upgrade from living in a duplex apartment to an actual home. This is the first time in our marriage that Judd and I have not shared a wall with a neighbor!


I surprised Judd with a dirt bike for his birthday in September. He has always wanted one and with the help of his brother, Chad, we found the perfect one to give him. He thoroughly enjoys riding all around the foothills that connect to our backyard. He had one gnarly crash but now has an awesome scar on his leg that he can brag about. Judd continues to invest in his love of real estate and purchased another duplex this year. He and his cousin, Josh, are currently adding another apartment onto the house and are in the middle of construction.


I (Camie) decided to apply for a Pilates teaching position at BYU and UVU last spring. I felt under qualified and extremely nervous about putting myself out there, but to my surprise, was offered a position at both universities. I have loved my students and classes this fall semester and am excited to start the new semester in January. I love learning and decided to pursue a prestigious STOTT PILATES certificate to add to my other fitness certifications. I am currently in the middle of my training and will not be done until Fall of 2019.


Zoey started her second year of preschool and loves learning. Her preschool teacher is an English woman and Zoey is fascinated by her accent. Zoey has loved taking ice skating and dance lessons this year. She had her first dance recital in April and just performed in her Christmas concert last week. Zoey moved up in ice skating levels from Snowball Level I to Snowball Level II. She loves our new neighborhood and cul de sac and is out playing with friends everyday.


Isla is our same, sweet firecracker she has always been. She turned two in November and has already started potty training herself with no help from me or Judd. She loves playing with Zoey and copying everything her older sister does. Lala can frequently be found walking around the house singing songs she’s made up. Our current favorite thing about her is how she points to herself and tells everyone, “I cute baby.”


Judd didn’t sell this summer so we enjoyed our first summer in Utah in six year. We hiked, went camping, and enjoyed all of the amazing things Utah has to offer in the summer. For those of you who saw my updates about my sister Shelby on Facebook, I wanted to let you all know that she received a kidney transplant this summer and is doing well.


Judd and I still love snowboarding and spending time together on the mountain. We try to go as often as possible and live for powder and good snow days. Judd can officially add a backside 180 to his snowboarding repertoire. In a race, I can beat Judd down the mountain, but he claims that my board is simply faster. My mom and I took Zoey and Isla skiing for the first time this spring. Zoey was a natural at figuring out her skis and only got away from us once. I baby-carried Isla on my chest and she slept the whole time so I think she enjoyed it too. We look forward to putting Zoey in official ski lessons this season.


Judd and I did two international trips this year. We spent the New Year and the first part of January in Ecuador building a road for local children to attend school. Judd’s work, Aptive, organized it and we went with Eagle Condor Humanitarian. While there, we hiked a volcano, ate amazing food, and sang and danced with the wonderful people of Ecuador. I am extremely grateful Judd speaks Spanish and made him my personal translator as I tried to speak with as many people as possible.


In October, Judd and I traveled to Iceland. I have never seen so many waterfalls in my life. I brought my LifeStraw, a personal water filtration system, and drank from every single one. Best. Water. Ever. Judd did not share in my interest of drinking the glacier waterfall water, but trusted my high opinion of it. Going to the Blue Lagoon and Black Sand Beach were major highlights of our trip, but the best one was probably watching the Northern Lights dance across the sky. I will admit that I cried while watching them.


We have had a year full of adventure, craziness, and love. I feel grateful for not just my small, little family but for my amazing extended family too, including my parents, sisters, in-laws and friends. I am so grateful for my Savior and my Heavenly Father who have blessed me in so many ways. When I have felt the most down, I think of everything they have given us and I instantly feel better. We are excited and optimistic to see what 2019 holds for us. We hope that you have felt the love we feel for you this year and wish all of the best things for you this next year. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!


Love,


The Wrays
Judd, Camie, Zoey (4) & Isla (2)

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Wray Christmas Letter 2017




Merry Christmas Ya'll!

I can't even believe another year has passed. Am I a little embarrassed that I haven't blogged since January? Maybe. Maybe not. I guess we will never know.

2017 has been good to us. We spent the winter snowboarding and skiing, spent the summer at the beach in San Diego, and have spent the fall with family and friends. 

When I thought about the biggest thing that happened to us this year, my first thought was that Isla was born. But then I remembered that Isla was actually born in November of 2016 and not 2017. But I guess when such a little person takes up such a big part of your year, you forget exactly when it all happened. As with most babies, Isla hit a ton of milestones this year. Not only did she turn one, but she learned to laugh, sit up, crawl, stand, and walk. She is now running around everywhere talking up a storm. Her words mostly include Lala, dae doo (thank you), I-didi (I did it), dada, mama, and doggy. Most mornings, Judd and I wake up to Zoey coming into our room saying, "Isla's awake!" and hearing Isla's chatter in the next room. Lala adores Zoey. She is always watching her and wanting to do whatever Zoey is doing. The two of them have started to play together, but most of the time it is Isla sitting right on top of Zoey's toys and Zoey yelling for her to get off. Every time that someone is sitting on the ground, Isla will walk right up to them and sit on their lap. It is the most inconvenient when I am doing Zoey's hair and Isla tries to sit on her lap. Zoey gets mad at Isla and then I get mad at Zoey for moving. Isla usually just laughs when this happens. We also discovered that Isla inherited Grandma Pearl's dimple on her right cheek. This is extra special to us because Pearl is her namesake. 

After spending the summer soaking up everything at the San Diego Zoo and SeaWorld, Zoey joined a more traditional classroom and started preschool this fall. She loves her teacher and loves her classmates. She only attends preschool two days a week, but every day she asks me if she is going to preschool that day. We started her in fairy tale ballet back in January and Zoey loved dressing up as princesses and dancing around every week. In January, Zoey will start gymnastics and Jazz. Zoey is the best helped and the best big sister. Anytime we have a babysitter over, I almost always catch myself saying, "If you have any questions about the house or Isla, Zoey should be able to answer them for you." Zoey is extremely observant, but she is also very independent. She wants to do everything herself and she will sometimes try to boss me around. In a half joking/half not joking way, I always have to tell Zoey that I am the mommy, not her. She usually says, "Yes, mama," but I am still not convinced that she really believes that. 

When I found out we were moving to San Diego for the summer, I decided to take full advantage of my time in SoCal. I bought our family San Diego Zoo season passes and then was surprised by my mother who got us SeaWorld passes too. Every week we went to the beach, the zoo, and SeaWorld. I can honestly say that I did not take my time there for granted. One of the goals that I had made at the beginning of 2017 was to do a front aerial again. I could do them growing up, but I hadn't done one in years. So when we got to San Diego, I decided to look up adult gymnastics classes near me. I found a highly rated one and started attending. Not only did I accomplish my New Years resolution and an assortment of other tricks, but I also made a bunch of new friends that I will keep for a lifetime. Another one of my New Years resolutions from this past year was to get back into rock climbing. Judd and I found a rock climbing gym just down the street from us that was open late. We both got passes and multiple times a week I would put the girls to bed, get our friend to come over, wait for Judd to get home, and then go rock climbing. It turned into a hobby that Judd and I could do together and that we both have loved. If you ask me who is better out of the two us, I would say Judd. If you ask Judd, he would say that I have better technique, but he has a longer reach. I received a devastating email this summer telling me that the barre studio I had been teaching at for the past couple years was closing. When we got back to Utah, I was extremely sad about not having anywhere to teach anymore. Barre is something that I have grown to love and am very passionate about. Deciding that I didn't want to let barre go, this past month I have taken the steps to starting my own barre class. It has been an interesting experience trying to work out all of the details of running your own fitness business, but I have been thoroughly enjoying the process. Shameless plug--if you want to come to one of my classes or follow along on my barre journey, follow @BlushBeeFitness on instagram or check out blushbeefitness.com.

I asked Judd what he wanted me to write about him for this year's Christmas card. At first he said, "I don't know." After prodding him for something, he said, "Well, I read Oathbringer." I had to include this because a) Judd told me to and b) he has been waiting for this book to come out for like three years so this is a big deal for him. For those of you who don't know what Oatherbring is, it is the third book in the Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archives. It seriously is an awesome series and I would highly recommend it to all of my friends. I, myself, am a big fan of Sanderson and this series. Other than reading Oathbringer, Judd has continued to grow business wise. We have been blessed to see growth every year with Judd's teams and sales at Aptive. Judd continues to amaze me every time I see him accomplish anything he puts his mind to. The girls and I are extremely lucky to have him. Judd has also nailed his honey-do list this year. Basically any home update I have been interested in doing this year, Judd has done for me. Our bathroom had the original vinyl flooring that was put in back in the 50's. I wanted to do something to the floor in there so Judd put in wood vinyl flooring. For those of you who don't know what that is, it looks like wood floors, but is waterproof and long lasting. It is awesome and looks great. I talked about possibly doing the front room too after seeing the bathroom, and just last Saturday, Judd got a team of his guys together and they ripped out the carpet and put in wood vinyl floors. It looks amazing. Judd rocks. Sundance officially opens on Friday, so Judd is pulling out our snow gear to hit the slopes bright and early. He is super excited to be teaching Zoey how to ski this year. 

2017 was a good year. We continually look forward to the future by making new goals and completing our current ones. We have been blessed with good health, financial stability, and love. I have hope that 2018 will be an even better year than this one. We would like to thank our many family and friends for the positive impact you have had on our lives. It has not gone unnoticed. We love you all dearly and hope that you also have a great new year! Merry Christmas!

Love,
The Wrays
Judd, Camie, Zoey, and Isla

Monday, January 9, 2017

50 Books in 52 Weeks

I know that this might be incredibly shameful to admit, but I have never once completed a New Year's Resolution until 2016. I always seem to either forget about them or just get to lazy/unmotivated to complete them. But last year was different. Mind you, the NYR that I completed was really fun to do, but it was also a lot harder than I thought. I read 50 books in the year 2016, averaging about one book a week.

I definitely was drawn to fantasy and teen fiction (as you will see by my list), but I did sneak a couple of other genres in there as well. It is hard to pick a favorite book or series I read, but the ones that stuck out (other than my favorite HP series) were Cinder, Red Queen, Throne of Glass, and Elantris. 

I love Brandon Sanderson and I finished up his Mistborn series in 2016, but the last two books I didn't care for as much as the first book in the series which I read in 2015 and LOVED (Kelsier is one of my all time favorite characters).

One of my most interesting books I read was Girls Like Us. It is a nonfiction written about the sex slave trade. The author is a woman who was part of the slave trade before she got out and created GEMS, a nonprofit that helps girls get out and recover so they do not return to the life. It gave me some great perspective on how big of an epidemic this problem is and how slavery still exists in our own country today. 

It has been fun reviewing my list and remembering the different books. Some of these books seemed like I read them forever ago! And to make it even weirder to think about, some of these books I read before I even got pregnant with Isla and now not only is she here, but she is turning two months old this week! Each book is associated with a specific memory. Some I remember reading in my bed at our house before Florida. Some I remember reading in my apartment in Florida. Some were read on the beach. And some were hurriedly read back here in Utah before the end of the year!

Here is the list. If you are interested in a fun but challenging NYR to do for 2017 then I would highly recommend this challenge.

1. Demon King
2. Exiled Queen
3. Outliers
4. Crimson Crown
5. The Gray Wolf Throne
6. Me Before You
7. Girls Like Us
8. Of Poseidon
9. Of Triton
10. Of Neptune
11. Rebel Queen
12. Nefertiti
13. Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone
14. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
15. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
16. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
17. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
18. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
19. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
20. Cinder
21. Scarlet
22. Crescent 
23. Winter
24. Hero of Ages
25. Well of Ascension
26. Cleopatra's Daughter
27. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
28. Chateau of Echoes
29. A Dance through Time
30. The Official Lamaze Guidebook
31. Elantris
32. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
33. A Wrinkle in Time
34. Red Queen
35. Glass Sword
36. Thrown of Glass
37. Crown of Midnight
38. Heir of Fire
39. Queen of Shadows
40. Empire of Storms
41. The Assassin and the Pirate Lord
42. The Assassin and the Healer
43. The Assassin and the Desert
44. The Assassin and the Underworld
45. The Assassin and the Empire
46. The Keeper
47. Glitches
48. The Queens Army
49. After Sunshine Passes By
50. The Book of Mormon

I would like to do this challenge again for 2017, but I think I want to find a different way of keeping track. There were a few times where I found that I didn't pick up a specific book because it was too many pages (looking at your Brandon Sanderson and The Way of Kings). I am thinking about tracking it either page numbers or number of hours read. Does anyone have any other suggestions? And as always, I am always interested in hearing new book recommendations so if you have any please pass them along!  


Also this photo has nothing to do with reading, but Zoey took it while I was writing this post and got so excited that she actually took a picture instead of just looking through the camera that I had to post it because it literally made me LOL #runonsentence


Monday, January 2, 2017

Out with the old, in with the new!

As we begin a new year, it has been great looking back and remembering all of the things we did this in 2016. Here is a list of our favorites: 

1. Snowboarded all winter
2. Celebrated Zoey's 2nd birthday
3. Road tripped across the country from Utah to southern Florida 
4. Spent the summer at the beach in Boca Raton, FL
5. Went to Key West
6. Went to Disney World
7. Taught Xtend Barre at their corporate and Delray studio
8. Road tripped back across the country from southern Florida to Utah
9. Welcomed Isla into our family
10. Finished 50 books

It has been a pretty fun adventure.  Definitely the highlight was Isla being born! She has already proven to be such an essential part of our family and she isn't even two months old yet!

Thanks 2016! Can't wait to see what 2017 brings us!








Monday, December 19, 2016

Isla's Birth Story



I realized I had a #momfail when I saw that my little Isla Pearl was one month old a couple weeks ago and I still hadn't written down her birth story. My parents came down a few days ago to visit and snuggle sweet Pearl, and my mom had to remind me of some details I had forgotten about that day already! Ah! So here I am, writing it all down so that I never forget it.

Isla's due date was November 4th. I know that due dates are often incorrect, so I was hoping that she would come before halloween. Specifically, October 27th because my favorite midwife was on call that day and wouldn't be on call again until November 10th. So I told Isla she either had to come on October 27th or November 10th. Since I had no intentions of staying pregnant all the way until November 10th, I was really pushing for the 27th of October. But alas, October 27th came and went and I was still pregnant.

Since it looked like Isla was going to take her own sweet time getting here, I said, "Fine. Stay in there until November 10th. In fact, why don't you just stay in there until the 11th so that you can have a cool birthday like your sister." (Zoey's birthday is 4/4/14)

That is exactly what Isla decided to do.

I went past my due date of 11/4/16 and was still pregnant. It was November 10th and I was officially 41 weeks pregnant. I had a non-stress test and midwife appointment that morning. Since the midwife that I wanted to deliver Isla was on call that day, I decided that my day would go as following: go to my midwife appointment, go home and clean my house (I had a sink full of dirty dishes that I needed to get done still), go into labor that evening, and finally deliver the baby shortly after midnight so she would be born on 11/11/16. 

I showed up for my non-stress test and was hooked up to the monitors. I know that a baby's normal heart rate is between 120 and 160 BPM and I was watching Isla's and she looked great.

After about a half hour, the technician came in and straight up says, "Well, baby isn't looking great so you need to go to labor and delivery right now."

I was totally shocked. What was she talking about? I asked her why she said that and she said that Isla's heart rate was doing some late decels. A late deceleration is when a baby's heart rate drops after a contraction. A baby's heart rate usually drops during a contraction and that is totally normal, but if it is after a contraction then that can be a sign that baby is in trouble.

At this point, I broke down crying and asked her if I could go home and get my hospital bag. I literally had nothing with me at the time. She told me no. I asked her if I should call my husband and have him come to the hospital (he was at home with Zoey). She told me yes. I will be honest, that technician was kind of a brat. She could see I was in a panic and she was pretty rude about it all. But I am just assuming that she sees this a lot in her work so she isn't as alarmed or as upset by it as her patients tend to be.

I think I was so upset because I was having some serious flashbacks to what happened with Zoey. My first thought when she told me this was, "Well there goes my VBAC that I have been working so hard to get." When I went into labor with Zoey, I was hooked up to the monitors and they noticed that after every contraction, Zoey's heart rate would drop with the contractions and not recover fast enough. That was putting Zoey into some distress and was the main reason why we ended up doing a c-section with her. 

Although I am so incredibly grateful for modern medicine and all of its life saving procedures, I really wanted to avoid a c-section this time and instead have an unmedicated VBAC. For the past few months, I had been doing research and reading books on how to best prepare myself for an unmedicated VBAC. My doula, Bonnie, recommended that I do Hypnobabies and I fell in love with that program.

I had been preparing so hard to have a VBAC and I immediately felt like history was repeating itself. When I called Judd and told him to come to the hospital and bring the hospital bag (plus a few things I hadn't packed yet), I was hysterical. He called my SIL, Lizzie, and told her the situation and asked if she could watch Zoey. Lizzie was so kind and immediately came up to be with Zoey while Judd rushed to the hospital.

I wanted my mom to be there too so I called her to have her come down. I called Bonnie to tell her the situation, but told her not to come down yet because I wasn't sure what was going to happen once I got to labor and delivery since I wasn't in labor at all. She told me some great things to talk to the nurses about to make sure that my birth plan stayed on track for an unmedicated VBAC.

When Judd arrived, L&D hooked me up to their monitors to see if they could catch any late decels. We waited there for a long time. Like an hour. At first, they said they weren't catching any, but then my midwife, Claudia, came in and said that they saw some and were going to admit me. 

Since I wasn't in labor at all, they had to give me some pitocin. Pitocin was not part of my birth plan because I was hoping I would go into labor naturally, but because of the situation we were in, I could understand why we were doing it. I wanted to have as few medical interventions as possible as part of my birth plan in order to avoid have a repeat c-section.

The contractions finally started shortly afterwards, but honestly, I could hardly feel them. Since Claudia knew I wanted an unmedicated VBAC, she started my pitocin off very very light. Apparently, they usually start pitocin off at a level 4 and increase it by 4 every hour. However, for me, they started it at a 3 and were only increasing by 1 level couple hours. This was also partly because I literally was only dilated to 1cm and was only 60% effaced. My cervix needed to time to dilate and they didn't want the contractions to become too intense too quickly. 

So then we waited. 

And waited.

And waited.

Literally though. My non-stress test that morning had been at 9:30am and by 10:00pm (over 12 hours), I was just barely dilated to a 1 1/2cm. Bonnie had been texting me throughout the day asking for updates and if she should come down, but since nothing was happening, I told her to stay at home still (she lives in Kaysville so I didn't want her to drive all the way down and then have her have to turn around if it was going to be a long labor--which it turned out to be).

Billy and Lizzie had been with Zoey all day and were planning on watching her that night too since we were in for the long haul--bless them. My mom had gone home for a few hours that afternoon to grab some things she had forgotten sine she had rushed out the door that morning because I was in such a panic and had made it back without any updates.

Since I didn't have an epidural (no catheter) and was hooked up to an IV, I had to pee a lot. With a VBAC, you have to be monitored 24/7 and have an IV, so Judd and I got really good at unplugging me from all of the monitors and walking to the bathroom. I swear I was going every half hour for 12+ hours. Judd became a pro and basically won the best husband/baby daddy award after all of that.

That evening, Billy and Lizzie came over to the hospital and brought Zoey with them. I was trying so hard not to lose it when I saw Zoey. I had all of these feelings return about her not being my only child anymore and how much I missed her. It was a nice little visit and I admit that I cried for a little bit after they left. But Zoey loves Billy, Lizzie, and Hudson so much so I knew she was in good hands.

Around 11pm (~13 hours into labor), my water still hadn't broken and I was still only at a 1 1/2cm dilated, my midwife came to talk to me about some of my options going forward. I had a feeling that my water wasn't going to break naturally because my two sisters who have had vaginal births had to have their waters broken. I assumed I would be the same way so despite not wanting a lot of medical interventions, I was open to them breaking my water. 

But Claudia mentioned doing a Foley Balloon since my water still hadn't broken. I had never heard of that before, but basically they insert a balloon into your cervix and inflate it. It forces your cervix to dilate to about 4cm before it falls out. 

I decided to call Bonnie and ask her what she thought about it because she knew my birth plan best. As she was discussing the pros and cons about it and giving me more information on it, I had a contraction that felt like someone had stuck a pin up my cervix. I suddenly felt a HUGE gush of water and did a giant gasp. My mom was on the couch in the room and jumped up and said, "Camie??" I sat there in disbelief for a second and said, "I think my water just broke!" Bonnie laughed and said, "Well I guess that solves your problem for decided whether or not you wanted a foley balloon because they can't do it if your water is broken!"

Having my water break was the weirdest experience ever. With Zoey, they tried to induce labor by breaking my water, but I had an epidural with her so I didn't feel it at all. But this time around, I seriously was soaked. The nurse came in and she and Judd helped me to the bathroom and I just had buckets coming out of me. Even the nurse commented on how much water there had been. And it just kept coming! I went through at least three full sized towels and still soaked them all. 

Up until this point, my contractions were pretty mild. I could feel them, but I wasn't in a lot of pain yet. I soon found out that it was because my water had been basically a cushion for me because I was definitely starting to feel the intensity of my contractions now. They were hurting. My Pitocin was a level 12 now and it was hurting.

When I had first arrived at the hospital, Claudia had told me to to expect to be there all day, all night, and all day the next day, but I was optimistic and hoping that it would not take that long. But at this point, it was looking like Claudia would be right. I finally was tired enough to sleep (sleeping in hospitals is SO hard--especially when you have to get up to pee every 30 minutes) and it was probably the worst sleep of my life.

My contractions were three minutes apart, but my body was so exhausted at this point that I would literally fall asleep for three minutes, wake up, half a contraction, and then fall asleep for another 3 minutes. I repeated this cycle for about an hour before I decided to give up on it.  I still had the external monitors on me, and Claudia mentioned putting some internal monitors on instead.

About 2am, Claudia and the head nurse came in to put the external monitors in. Claudia placed the first one on my uterus. I guess the internal monitors are a lot more accurate than the external monitors because Claudia goes, "Wow! Those contractions are a lot more intense than what they were showing on the external monitors! How long have you been having these contractions for? They don't get more intense than this when you are in active labor."

That was a relief to hear because I literally thought I was dying. And all I could think was that it would only get worse. I told that to Claudia and she said that I have a higher pain tolerance than I think. That might be one of the best compliments I have ever received. Seriously though.

As Claudia was placing the second internal monitor on Isla, I had another huge rush of water come out of me. And this time there was even more than the first time. Claudia couldn't believe it and said that she was getting a shower (Gross, I know, but that is childbirth for you).

Suddenly everything around us started beeping. The head nurse starts yelling, "She's crashing! She's crashing!" She gets on the monitor and yells for the doctor and anesthesiologist to get into there now. All of the nurses ran into the room and started unplugging me from things. Even Judd and my mom were unplugging me from monitors. They grabbed my bed and wheeled me into the OR before I even had a chance to process what was happening. 

Isla's heart rate had dropped to 19BPM and they were going to knock me out since I didn't have an epidural and do an emergency c-section. Neither Judd nor my mom could go back with me since I would be unconscious and I was totally panicked. I asked Claudia if she would stay with me and she said yes, then the anesthesiologist who I had literally just met was kind enough to say that he would stay with me the whole time too. I was terrified at the thought of being knocked out and waking up to my baby being there. I was couldn't imagine not be present for my baby's birth--even if it was through a c-section. I was now facing one of my biggest fears as my reality. 

My body went into shock and I literally was shaking everywhere. Like out of control shaking. My teeth were chattering and my knees were propped up and I could just see them shaking uncontrollably. One of the nurses grabbed a heated blanket and placed it on my chest and arms to help. 

They moved me from my bed to the operating table, and right before they put me under, Claudia told everyone to wait. Isla's heart rate had recovered. They doctor said that we should wait for about 10 minutes to make sure she didn't crash again before they moved me back into my room. He also suggested that I go ahead and get an epidural in case Isla's heart rate dropped again, so I wouldn't have to be put under if they did end up doing a repeat c-section. 

Since Isla's heart rate recovered, Judd was allowed into the OR dressed up in scrubs. It was nice being able to see him and have him there with me while the anesthesiologist gave me the epidural. Sitting in the OR getting my epidural, I couldn't help but feel relieved that I was getting an epidural, I was sad that I wouldn't be unmedicated, like I had originally planned, but I was exhausted now that my body was no longer in shock and my adrenalin rush had worn off. Since I had been at the hospital for almost 18 hours (it was almost 4am at this point) with having active labor contractions for the last 4 hours, I was very ready to have some kind of relief. The epidural at this point felt amazing. 

My eyes immediately were drowsy and I was able to fall asleep. When I woke up an hour later, I saw Bonnie poke her head into the room. Judd had been texting her and told her what had happened and she got in her car and rushed down immediately. It was so good to see her and have my advocate there. 

A little while later, Caroline also came by to visit. She had heard about the c-section scare and had wanted to come by to give us her love and support. It was wonderful to know that we were surrounded by family and loved ones who were rooting for us and our baby.

I soon fell asleep again for another hour. During this time, my contractions were looking pretty good so they lowered my pitocin levels. Unfortunately, this all but stopped my contractions. I think my body just doesn't like to go into labor. Zoey was 9 days late when I went into labor and they were going to turn me away except that her heart rate wasn't looking good. We had to use pitocin with her too in order to get contractions going.

I was so numb from the epidural that I was starting to feel a little uneasy about it all. They kept having me flip from side to side but since I was SO numb, I couldn't even help with the process at all. I asked the nurse if the anesthesiologist could come in and turn down the epidural amount. 

Honestly, most of the time from here until I began to push was just simply waiting. My epidural levels were lowered and even though I was still numb, I at least gained some feeling back into my feet and lower legs which made me feel significantly better. 

At 7am that next morning (~21 hours since my appointment), Claudia's shift was over and Josie, another midwife from the practice, was going to take over. Claudia was doing her final check offs with me and wishing me good luck with the delivery. I had really appreciated Claudia and was grateful for her help. I also had one of the nurses from the morning shift from the previous day come in and say hi! She told me that she was happy to see me again, but not too happy since that meant I still hadn't had the baby. It was weird thinking that this nurse had finished her shift with me, had gone home, gone to bed, and woken up to come back to work and I was still there. To me, it felt like world outside of the hospital had stopped. It was weird thinking that everyone--including the hospital staff--just saw that day as a regular normal work day with no major changes. Josie checked my cervix, noted that I was about 5cm at this point and we just continued to play the waiting game.

Right before noon (~26 hours in), my mom decided to send Judd home to spend some time with Zoey and to shower. He had been pretty traumatized over Isla's heart rate crashing and was pretty restless. He had basically just been pacing the floor of the hospital room until my mom told him to just go home. He hadn't slept since that had happened and we were all in pretty bad shape over lack of sleep. So Judd left and I was still hanging out with my mom and Bonnie.

Josie came in about 15 minutes later to check my cervix and to see how I was progressing. She was very excited as she said, "Oh look! You're at a nine!" That was music to my ears. My mom ran out to the hallway saying that she was calling Judd right then when Josie said that I would start pushing in an hour. My mom missed that part and told Judd to come back to the hospital right away.

Judd had literally just pulled into the driveway when he got word so we pulled right back out and came speeding down the freeway. He was freaking out thinking that he was going to miss the baby being born because he never got the memo that I wasn't going to push for another hour! Let's just say he made it back to the hospital in record time.

During this time I was elated. All I kept thinking was that I was getting my VBAC. After the months of preparation and the time in the hospital thinking that I should just give up and have them do another c-section, I was so excited that it was actually happening. I felt like there was this weight that was lifted off my shoulders. I was so proud of Isla because she had kept her heartbeat high enough where a VBAC was going to be possible. 

It was soon time to push and I was so ready. I had attended two previous live births before this one--my sister's Brittany's (whose baby literally came out after one push) and my best friend's Becca's (who ended up pushing for three hours!). Because of those two (but mostly because of Becca's since Brit's was so fast) I had a pretty good idea of what I needed to do. Pushing was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Even though I had an epidural, I could still feel a strong pressure.

It took a couple of pushes to really figure out how to push and even then I sometimes wasn't pushing right. The nurse asked if I wanted to a mirror so I could watch Isla be born. I had heard about this before and I totally wanted to do it. For any of you soon-to-be mamas out there who are reading this, if you are offered a mirror, I would totally recommend getting one! It was SO cool! Definitely one of my favorite parts of my labor (if not my favorite). I was able to watch Isla crown and it definitely helped me focus and my pushing became a lot more efficient because I could see what I was doing.

I was exhausted as I was pushing. I have never done anything so physically exhausting in my life--and I run at least one half-marathon every year! My contractions were 6 minutes apart, but honestly it felt like 30 seconds. I would push four times during a contraction, and then close my eyes and try to breathe. Whenever I would feel another contraction coming on and Josie said it was time to push, it took all of my willpower to push again. My mom later told me that she had never seen someone's face turn as purple as mine did while I was pushing!

Despite how exhausting it was, I felt like it lasted for only 15 minutes. It ended up being an hour of pushing, but by this time anyway, my body had no concept of time. I could see Isla starting to crown and I knew that it wouldn't be long until she was out.

Once I pushed her head out, I felt an instant release of the pressure. I saw her little body just slide right out on the next push. She was finally out! Part of my birth plan is that they place her right on my chest before she was cleaned off or anything. They tried to put her on my chest, but they were still working on the cord so I couldn't get her quite up all the way and just held her in my arms. 

It turns out that Isla's cord had been up against her cheek when she was born and that her other hand had been holding it. We don't know for certain, but we have a theory that when the rest of the water came out earlier that night and she started to crash, we think that the cord was being constricted against my pelvis bone and was cutting off her oxygen/life supply and that is why she started to crash. Once she shifted to a new position, her cord was no longer compressed and that is why she recovered. We aren't sure that this is the case, but that is our guess.

She was so beautiful. Judd cut Isla's cord and I was able to just hold and stare at her. I didn't have an episiotomy, but I did end up having to get some stitches. I was so exhausted, but I had done it. I had gotten my VBAC and was holding my sweet little girl in my arms. 

Billy and Lizzie had come down while I was pushing and had brought Zoey so she was able to meet Isla right after she was born. It was totally surreal seeing my baby (Zoey) meeting my new baby (Isla). You could tell that Zoey didn't quite understand what had just happened and didn't seem as interested in meeting Isla as she was in seeing us (actually mostly Judd), but that has completely changed. All she wants to do now is hold Isla and snuggle Isla all day. Those two are already best friends which has completely warmed my heart. I was so worried that Zoey would be jealous of the new baby since she and I are so close, but Zoey has proved over and over again that she would much rather snuggle Isla than me! 

We had some more of our family members come see us right after Isla was born. I was so exhausted after being awake for over 30 hours with only getting two different hours of sleep during that time that Judd asked for us to be moved to our recovery room so that we could rest. My mom went to get Zoey and take her to her house for a few days while we were recovering at the hospital and Bonnie stayed for some short postnatal care before heading home too.

We were so happy to finally have little Isla with us. Having a VBAC was such a big journey and step for us and I am still filled with such gratitude when I think of it. 

I am so grateful for so many people who helped us through all of this. Thanks to my mother for being there with me and for being so willing to help at any given moment. Thanks to Billy and Lizzie for watching Zoey the whole time were at the hospital (and especially Lizzie because when I came home she had done all of my dishes I had been so stressed about!). Thanks to Bonnie for being such a great doula and for supporting my VBAC and birth plan (I would highly recommend her to any of my friends who want an amazing doula!). Thanks to my dad for sending me encouraging texts and for letting me steal his wife for over a week. Thanks to my sisters for letting me call them all the time and talk about my pregnancy, birth, and recovery and for not getting sick of me over it. Thanks to Judd's mother and family for showing such support to us through it all. Thanks to my friends who supported my crazy birth plans and for thinking of Isla and giving us little gifts like outfits and blankets.

Judd and I really feel so blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives. When I think about all of the service and love that people have given to us, I can't help but think of Matthew 25: 40 that reads:

"And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me"

This Christmas season has held special meaning to me this year as I have held my newborn baby and thought about Christ coming into this world the same way: pure, innocent, and perfect. I have been able to reflect on his life and realize what a joy it is to have a Savior who suffered and died for our sins. He truly is the Redeemer of the world and I am so grateful that I have had the opportunity to get to know him through my own faith and testimony. 

I know that miracles still exist because Isla's birth was a miracle as I am sure most moms feel as they hold their newborns. The love that is felt as your hold your new babe in your arms comes straight from heaven. It makes you wonder if this is how our Heavenly Father feels about us. 

Thank you so much again for the wonderful love and support everyone has given us. We are so blessed and grateful that little Isla has come into our world. May you all have a Merry Christmas and feel our Savior's love for you this year.




Saturday, December 3, 2016

It's okay to laugh at this. I am not dead from embarrassment--yet.

Alright. I think enough time has passed now where I can finally start talking about it.

I meant to be writing Isla's birth story today. I SHOULD be writing Isla's birth story today. But I keep getting distracted and my mind keeps wandering to this experience I had earlier this week and I think I just need to write it down to get it out of my system.

Have I built up the suspense enough yet? You ready for my most embarrassing moment probably ever?

Let me give some background information. You know in Miss Congeniality how they joke about Gracie Lou Freebush and her love for taking long, luxurious bubblebaths? Think of me as Gracie. I love my bubblebaths. I love to soak in the tub while reading a book or scrolling through Facebook (I haven't dropped my phone in the tub yet and I pray that day never comes). Bubblebaths help me relax. I may have become too dependent on them (I will take 2-3 baths a week), but I find that I am able to deal with life a lot better after I have taken a soak.

Anyway, back to the main part of my story. I was having a rough morning a few days ago. Isla had kept me up all night the way that newborns do, Zoey was needing some extra attention, and Judd was at work. I was feeling extra stressed and was struggling not losing my temper. When I had finally got Isla to sleep and sat Zoey in front of the iPad, I decided to draw a bath and use one of my new bath bombs that I had gotten from Lush the previous week. I sat in the tub, dropped in the bath bomb and started reading my book.

Whenever I take a bath now, I always leave the bathroom door open. Since my bathroom is directly across the hall from my bedroom, I keep Zoey and Isla in there with the door open as well so I can listen and watch them. The two were perfectly content for the first time that morning and I settled in deeper to my book.

About 15 minutes into my bath, Zoey came running into the bathroom saying, "Mommy! Mommy! Look!" I assumed that the iPad had died or she needed help putting on a new show so I grabbed the iPad from her.

What I did not expect was to see a strange man looking at me.

To my dismay and horror, I instantly reached for the End Call button on the bottom of the iPad. Zoey had been FaceTiming someone.

My first gut reaction was absolute terror. I had so many questions. The first was, "Did that guy just see me totally naked?" The next ones were all about Zoey--how long was she face timing him for? Did she call him or did he call her? Did he do or say anything weird or perverted to her?

I checked the call information. It was from an email address I didn't recognize. Not good. The call had been an incoming one so he called us. Not good. But the call had lasted only one minute so I put together that he had called us, Zoey answered and upon not recognizing who it was, immediately came and told me. I praised Zoey for doing the right thing and for showing mommy immediately.

I sat there for a second thinking about it and then was able to put the bigger picture together. The iPad that Zoey was using is hooked up to Judd's Apple ID. Judd is always recruiting during the off season, and uses FaceTime as a major communication platform to talk to guys when they are not able to meet in person. I started to suspect that this was one of Judd's guys he has been meeting with--how else would they have gotten his FaceTime info?

So I called Judd in a panic. He didn't answer. I texted him SOS. Still no response. I called him again and again. He FINALLY called me back and I word vomited the whole story to him. I could practically hear him face palming himself when he told me that he had a meeting with a guy over FaceTime at that time and had completely forgotten to call him. He checked the email address of the guy and, sure enough, the two matched. Judd then checks his other messages on him phone and sees that he has a text from that guy. The text read, "Hey Judd, I just tried to FaceTime you and this little kid answered and then took the iPad to this woman who looked horrified when she saw me and then hung up."

Oh my gosh. I was going to kill Judd.

To Judd's credit, he at least told me how sorry he was that that had happened. He must have heard how traumatized I sounded because he later admitted that after he hung up, he told his buddy the story and they busted up laughing about it.

The very next thing I did was disable FaceTime on that iPad--at least while Zoey is using it--and then begged Judd to not tell the guy that I was his wife and that it had been some weird fluke. I am pretty sure that Judd told him the truth anyway (as he probably should have), so now I am just praying that I never have to face this guy in person.

I have no idea how much of me that guy saw. Judd didn't ask and the guy didn't say anything about it. I am going to be optimistic and assume he saw nothing but my face.

I texted my mom and told her that I was dead and that I wasn't ready to talk about it. She kept sending me worried text messages and then when I finally felt like I was able to talk to someone about it, I called her. She was at Smith's Marketplace. The only other time I have heard her laugh that hard was when she rode the Rocket at Lagoon for the first time. She told me that people were staring at her because she was laughing so hard and had tears rolling down her cheeks. That made me feel better about the whole thing. Maybe I should be laughing about it too instead of the mortified feeling I was feeling.

She said that being caught naked by someone happens to everyone (I won't share her personal experience with that--haha love you mom!). At least I got it knocked out of the way and hopefully will never have that happen to me again.

Moral of the story: (1) disable the FaceTime feature on an iPad that your kids use regularly and (2) always make sure that your husband never forgets a meeting.

As for me, I am going to be a little more cautious when I take a bubblebath and laugh more when I get embarrassed.