I realized I had a #momfail when I saw that my little Isla Pearl was one month old a couple weeks ago and I still hadn't written down her birth story. My parents came down a few days ago to visit and snuggle sweet Pearl, and my mom had to remind me of some details I had forgotten about that day already! Ah! So here I am, writing it all down so that I never forget it.
Isla's due date was November 4th. I know that due dates are often incorrect, so I was hoping that she would come before halloween. Specifically, October 27th because my favorite midwife was on call that day and wouldn't be on call again until November 10th. So I told Isla she either had to come on October 27th or November 10th. Since I had no intentions of staying pregnant all the way until November 10th, I was really pushing for the 27th of October. But alas, October 27th came and went and I was still pregnant.
Since it looked like Isla was going to take her own sweet time getting here, I said, "Fine. Stay in there until November 10th. In fact, why don't you just stay in there until the 11th so that you can have a cool birthday like your sister." (Zoey's birthday is 4/4/14)
That is exactly what Isla decided to do.
I went past my due date of 11/4/16 and was still pregnant. It was November 10th and I was officially 41 weeks pregnant. I had a non-stress test and midwife appointment that morning. Since the midwife that I wanted to deliver Isla was on call that day, I decided that my day would go as following: go to my midwife appointment, go home and clean my house (I had a sink full of dirty dishes that I needed to get done still), go into labor that evening, and finally deliver the baby shortly after midnight so she would be born on 11/11/16.
I showed up for my non-stress test and was hooked up to the monitors. I know that a baby's normal heart rate is between 120 and 160 BPM and I was watching Isla's and she looked great.
After about a half hour, the technician came in and straight up says, "Well, baby isn't looking great so you need to go to labor and delivery right now."
I was totally shocked. What was she talking about? I asked her why she said that and she said that Isla's heart rate was doing some late decels. A late deceleration is when a baby's heart rate drops after a contraction. A baby's heart rate usually drops during a contraction and that is totally normal, but if it is after a contraction then that can be a sign that baby is in trouble.
At this point, I broke down crying and asked her if I could go home and get my hospital bag. I literally had nothing with me at the time. She told me no. I asked her if I should call my husband and have him come to the hospital (he was at home with Zoey). She told me yes. I will be honest, that technician was kind of a brat. She could see I was in a panic and she was pretty rude about it all. But I am just assuming that she sees this a lot in her work so she isn't as alarmed or as upset by it as her patients tend to be.
I think I was so upset because I was having some serious flashbacks to what happened with Zoey. My first thought when she told me this was, "Well there goes my VBAC that I have been working so hard to get." When I went into labor with Zoey, I was hooked up to the monitors and they noticed that after every contraction, Zoey's heart rate would drop with the contractions and not recover fast enough. That was putting Zoey into some distress and was the main reason why we ended up doing a c-section with her.
Although I am so incredibly grateful for modern medicine and all of its life saving procedures, I really wanted to avoid a c-section this time and instead have an unmedicated VBAC. For the past few months, I had been doing research and reading books on how to best prepare myself for an unmedicated VBAC. My doula, Bonnie, recommended that I do Hypnobabies and I fell in love with that program.
I had been preparing so hard to have a VBAC and I immediately felt like history was repeating itself. When I called Judd and told him to come to the hospital and bring the hospital bag (plus a few things I hadn't packed yet), I was hysterical. He called my SIL, Lizzie, and told her the situation and asked if she could watch Zoey. Lizzie was so kind and immediately came up to be with Zoey while Judd rushed to the hospital.
I wanted my mom to be there too so I called her to have her come down. I called Bonnie to tell her the situation, but told her not to come down yet because I wasn't sure what was going to happen once I got to labor and delivery since I wasn't in labor at all. She told me some great things to talk to the nurses about to make sure that my birth plan stayed on track for an unmedicated VBAC.
When Judd arrived, L&D hooked me up to their monitors to see if they could catch any late decels. We waited there for a long time. Like an hour. At first, they said they weren't catching any, but then my midwife, Claudia, came in and said that they saw some and were going to admit me.
Since I wasn't in labor at all, they had to give me some pitocin. Pitocin was not part of my birth plan because I was hoping I would go into labor naturally, but because of the situation we were in, I could understand why we were doing it. I wanted to have as few medical interventions as possible as part of my birth plan in order to avoid have a repeat c-section.
The contractions finally started shortly afterwards, but honestly, I could hardly feel them. Since Claudia knew I wanted an unmedicated VBAC, she started my pitocin off very very light. Apparently, they usually start pitocin off at a level 4 and increase it by 4 every hour. However, for me, they started it at a 3 and were only increasing by 1 level couple hours. This was also partly because I literally was only dilated to 1cm and was only 60% effaced. My cervix needed to time to dilate and they didn't want the contractions to become too intense too quickly.
So then we waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Literally though. My non-stress test that morning had been at 9:30am and by 10:00pm (over 12 hours), I was just barely dilated to a 1 1/2cm. Bonnie had been texting me throughout the day asking for updates and if she should come down, but since nothing was happening, I told her to stay at home still (she lives in Kaysville so I didn't want her to drive all the way down and then have her have to turn around if it was going to be a long labor--which it turned out to be).
Billy and Lizzie had been with Zoey all day and were planning on watching her that night too since we were in for the long haul--bless them. My mom had gone home for a few hours that afternoon to grab some things she had forgotten sine she had rushed out the door that morning because I was in such a panic and had made it back without any updates.
Since I didn't have an epidural (no catheter) and was hooked up to an IV, I had to pee a lot. With a VBAC, you have to be monitored 24/7 and have an IV, so Judd and I got really good at unplugging me from all of the monitors and walking to the bathroom. I swear I was going every half hour for 12+ hours. Judd became a pro and basically won the best husband/baby daddy award after all of that.
That evening, Billy and Lizzie came over to the hospital and brought Zoey with them. I was trying so hard not to lose it when I saw Zoey. I had all of these feelings return about her not being my only child anymore and how much I missed her. It was a nice little visit and I admit that I cried for a little bit after they left. But Zoey loves Billy, Lizzie, and Hudson so much so I knew she was in good hands.
Around 11pm (~13 hours into labor), my water still hadn't broken and I was still only at a 1 1/2cm dilated, my midwife came to talk to me about some of my options going forward. I had a feeling that my water wasn't going to break naturally because my two sisters who have had vaginal births had to have their waters broken. I assumed I would be the same way so despite not wanting a lot of medical interventions, I was open to them breaking my water.
But Claudia mentioned doing a Foley Balloon since my water still hadn't broken. I had never heard of that before, but basically they insert a balloon into your cervix and inflate it. It forces your cervix to dilate to about 4cm before it falls out.
I decided to call Bonnie and ask her what she thought about it because she knew my birth plan best. As she was discussing the pros and cons about it and giving me more information on it, I had a contraction that felt like someone had stuck a pin up my cervix. I suddenly felt a HUGE gush of water and did a giant gasp. My mom was on the couch in the room and jumped up and said, "Camie??" I sat there in disbelief for a second and said, "I think my water just broke!" Bonnie laughed and said, "Well I guess that solves your problem for decided whether or not you wanted a foley balloon because they can't do it if your water is broken!"
Having my water break was the weirdest experience ever. With Zoey, they tried to induce labor by breaking my water, but I had an epidural with her so I didn't feel it at all. But this time around, I seriously was soaked. The nurse came in and she and Judd helped me to the bathroom and I just had buckets coming out of me. Even the nurse commented on how much water there had been. And it just kept coming! I went through at least three full sized towels and still soaked them all.
Up until this point, my contractions were pretty mild. I could feel them, but I wasn't in a lot of pain yet. I soon found out that it was because my water had been basically a cushion for me because I was definitely starting to feel the intensity of my contractions now. They were hurting. My Pitocin was a level 12 now and it was hurting.
When I had first arrived at the hospital, Claudia had told me to to expect to be there all day, all night, and all day the next day, but I was optimistic and hoping that it would not take that long. But at this point, it was looking like Claudia would be right. I finally was tired enough to sleep (sleeping in hospitals is SO hard--especially when you have to get up to pee every 30 minutes) and it was probably the worst sleep of my life.
My contractions were three minutes apart, but my body was so exhausted at this point that I would literally fall asleep for three minutes, wake up, half a contraction, and then fall asleep for another 3 minutes. I repeated this cycle for about an hour before I decided to give up on it. I still had the external monitors on me, and Claudia mentioned putting some internal monitors on instead.
About 2am, Claudia and the head nurse came in to put the external monitors in. Claudia placed the first one on my uterus. I guess the internal monitors are a lot more accurate than the external monitors because Claudia goes, "Wow! Those contractions are a lot more intense than what they were showing on the external monitors! How long have you been having these contractions for? They don't get more intense than this when you are in active labor."
That was a relief to hear because I literally thought I was dying. And all I could think was that it would only get worse. I told that to Claudia and she said that I have a higher pain tolerance than I think. That might be one of the best compliments I have ever received. Seriously though.
As Claudia was placing the second internal monitor on Isla, I had another huge rush of water come out of me. And this time there was even more than the first time. Claudia couldn't believe it and said that she was getting a shower (Gross, I know, but that is childbirth for you).
Suddenly everything around us started beeping. The head nurse starts yelling, "She's crashing! She's crashing!" She gets on the monitor and yells for the doctor and anesthesiologist to get into there now. All of the nurses ran into the room and started unplugging me from things. Even Judd and my mom were unplugging me from monitors. They grabbed my bed and wheeled me into the OR before I even had a chance to process what was happening.
Isla's heart rate had dropped to 19BPM and they were going to knock me out since I didn't have an epidural and do an emergency c-section. Neither Judd nor my mom could go back with me since I would be unconscious and I was totally panicked. I asked Claudia if she would stay with me and she said yes, then the anesthesiologist who I had literally just met was kind enough to say that he would stay with me the whole time too. I was terrified at the thought of being knocked out and waking up to my baby being there. I was couldn't imagine not be present for my baby's birth--even if it was through a c-section. I was now facing one of my biggest fears as my reality.
My body went into shock and I literally was shaking everywhere. Like out of control shaking. My teeth were chattering and my knees were propped up and I could just see them shaking uncontrollably. One of the nurses grabbed a heated blanket and placed it on my chest and arms to help.
They moved me from my bed to the operating table, and right before they put me under, Claudia told everyone to wait. Isla's heart rate had recovered. They doctor said that we should wait for about 10 minutes to make sure she didn't crash again before they moved me back into my room. He also suggested that I go ahead and get an epidural in case Isla's heart rate dropped again, so I wouldn't have to be put under if they did end up doing a repeat c-section.
Since Isla's heart rate recovered, Judd was allowed into the OR dressed up in scrubs. It was nice being able to see him and have him there with me while the anesthesiologist gave me the epidural. Sitting in the OR getting my epidural, I couldn't help but feel relieved that I was getting an epidural, I was sad that I wouldn't be unmedicated, like I had originally planned, but I was exhausted now that my body was no longer in shock and my adrenalin rush had worn off. Since I had been at the hospital for almost 18 hours (it was almost 4am at this point) with having active labor contractions for the last 4 hours, I was very ready to have some kind of relief. The epidural at this point felt amazing.
My eyes immediately were drowsy and I was able to fall asleep. When I woke up an hour later, I saw Bonnie poke her head into the room. Judd had been texting her and told her what had happened and she got in her car and rushed down immediately. It was so good to see her and have my advocate there.
A little while later, Caroline also came by to visit. She had heard about the c-section scare and had wanted to come by to give us her love and support. It was wonderful to know that we were surrounded by family and loved ones who were rooting for us and our baby.
I soon fell asleep again for another hour. During this time, my contractions were looking pretty good so they lowered my pitocin levels. Unfortunately, this all but stopped my contractions. I think my body just doesn't like to go into labor. Zoey was 9 days late when I went into labor and they were going to turn me away except that her heart rate wasn't looking good. We had to use pitocin with her too in order to get contractions going.
I was so numb from the epidural that I was starting to feel a little uneasy about it all. They kept having me flip from side to side but since I was SO numb, I couldn't even help with the process at all. I asked the nurse if the anesthesiologist could come in and turn down the epidural amount.
Honestly, most of the time from here until I began to push was just simply waiting. My epidural levels were lowered and even though I was still numb, I at least gained some feeling back into my feet and lower legs which made me feel significantly better.
At 7am that next morning (~21 hours since my appointment), Claudia's shift was over and Josie, another midwife from the practice, was going to take over. Claudia was doing her final check offs with me and wishing me good luck with the delivery. I had really appreciated Claudia and was grateful for her help. I also had one of the nurses from the morning shift from the previous day come in and say hi! She told me that she was happy to see me again, but not too happy since that meant I still hadn't had the baby. It was weird thinking that this nurse had finished her shift with me, had gone home, gone to bed, and woken up to come back to work and I was still there. To me, it felt like world outside of the hospital had stopped. It was weird thinking that everyone--including the hospital staff--just saw that day as a regular normal work day with no major changes. Josie checked my cervix, noted that I was about 5cm at this point and we just continued to play the waiting game.
Right before noon (~26 hours in), my mom decided to send Judd home to spend some time with Zoey and to shower. He had been pretty traumatized over Isla's heart rate crashing and was pretty restless. He had basically just been pacing the floor of the hospital room until my mom told him to just go home. He hadn't slept since that had happened and we were all in pretty bad shape over lack of sleep. So Judd left and I was still hanging out with my mom and Bonnie.
Josie came in about 15 minutes later to check my cervix and to see how I was progressing. She was very excited as she said, "Oh look! You're at a nine!" That was music to my ears. My mom ran out to the hallway saying that she was calling Judd right then when Josie said that I would start pushing in an hour. My mom missed that part and told Judd to come back to the hospital right away.
Judd had literally just pulled into the driveway when he got word so we pulled right back out and came speeding down the freeway. He was freaking out thinking that he was going to miss the baby being born because he never got the memo that I wasn't going to push for another hour! Let's just say he made it back to the hospital in record time.
During this time I was elated. All I kept thinking was that I was getting my VBAC. After the months of preparation and the time in the hospital thinking that I should just give up and have them do another c-section, I was so excited that it was actually happening. I felt like there was this weight that was lifted off my shoulders. I was so proud of Isla because she had kept her heartbeat high enough where a VBAC was going to be possible.
It was soon time to push and I was so ready. I had attended two previous live births before this one--my sister's Brittany's (whose baby literally came out after one push) and my best friend's Becca's (who ended up pushing for three hours!). Because of those two (but mostly because of Becca's since Brit's was so fast) I had a pretty good idea of what I needed to do. Pushing was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Even though I had an epidural, I could still feel a strong pressure.
It took a couple of pushes to really figure out how to push and even then I sometimes wasn't pushing right. The nurse asked if I wanted to a mirror so I could watch Isla be born. I had heard about this before and I totally wanted to do it. For any of you soon-to-be mamas out there who are reading this, if you are offered a mirror, I would totally recommend getting one! It was SO cool! Definitely one of my favorite parts of my labor (if not my favorite). I was able to watch Isla crown and it definitely helped me focus and my pushing became a lot more efficient because I could see what I was doing.
I was exhausted as I was pushing. I have never done anything so physically exhausting in my life--and I run at least one half-marathon every year! My contractions were 6 minutes apart, but honestly it felt like 30 seconds. I would push four times during a contraction, and then close my eyes and try to breathe. Whenever I would feel another contraction coming on and Josie said it was time to push, it took all of my willpower to push again. My mom later told me that she had never seen someone's face turn as purple as mine did while I was pushing!
Despite how exhausting it was, I felt like it lasted for only 15 minutes. It ended up being an hour of pushing, but by this time anyway, my body had no concept of time. I could see Isla starting to crown and I knew that it wouldn't be long until she was out.
Once I pushed her head out, I felt an instant release of the pressure. I saw her little body just slide right out on the next push. She was finally out! Part of my birth plan is that they place her right on my chest before she was cleaned off or anything. They tried to put her on my chest, but they were still working on the cord so I couldn't get her quite up all the way and just held her in my arms.
It turns out that Isla's cord had been up against her cheek when she was born and that her other hand had been holding it. We don't know for certain, but we have a theory that when the rest of the water came out earlier that night and she started to crash, we think that the cord was being constricted against my pelvis bone and was cutting off her oxygen/life supply and that is why she started to crash. Once she shifted to a new position, her cord was no longer compressed and that is why she recovered. We aren't sure that this is the case, but that is our guess.
She was so beautiful. Judd cut Isla's cord and I was able to just hold and stare at her. I didn't have an episiotomy, but I did end up having to get some stitches. I was so exhausted, but I had done it. I had gotten my VBAC and was holding my sweet little girl in my arms.
Billy and Lizzie had come down while I was pushing and had brought Zoey so she was able to meet Isla right after she was born. It was totally surreal seeing my baby (Zoey) meeting my new baby (Isla). You could tell that Zoey didn't quite understand what had just happened and didn't seem as interested in meeting Isla as she was in seeing us (actually mostly Judd), but that has completely changed. All she wants to do now is hold Isla and snuggle Isla all day. Those two are already best friends which has completely warmed my heart. I was so worried that Zoey would be jealous of the new baby since she and I are so close, but Zoey has proved over and over again that she would much rather snuggle Isla than me!
We had some more of our family members come see us right after Isla was born. I was so exhausted after being awake for over 30 hours with only getting two different hours of sleep during that time that Judd asked for us to be moved to our recovery room so that we could rest. My mom went to get Zoey and take her to her house for a few days while we were recovering at the hospital and Bonnie stayed for some short postnatal care before heading home too.
We were so happy to finally have little Isla with us. Having a VBAC was such a big journey and step for us and I am still filled with such gratitude when I think of it.
I am so grateful for so many people who helped us through all of this. Thanks to my mother for being there with me and for being so willing to help at any given moment. Thanks to Billy and Lizzie for watching Zoey the whole time were at the hospital (and especially Lizzie because when I came home she had done all of my dishes I had been so stressed about!). Thanks to Bonnie for being such a great doula and for supporting my VBAC and birth plan (I would highly recommend her to any of my friends who want an amazing doula!). Thanks to my dad for sending me encouraging texts and for letting me steal his wife for over a week. Thanks to my sisters for letting me call them all the time and talk about my pregnancy, birth, and recovery and for not getting sick of me over it. Thanks to Judd's mother and family for showing such support to us through it all. Thanks to my friends who supported my crazy birth plans and for thinking of Isla and giving us little gifts like outfits and blankets.
Judd and I really feel so blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives. When I think about all of the service and love that people have given to us, I can't help but think of Matthew 25: 40 that reads:
"And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me"
This Christmas season has held special meaning to me this year as I have held my newborn baby and thought about Christ coming into this world the same way: pure, innocent, and perfect. I have been able to reflect on his life and realize what a joy it is to have a Savior who suffered and died for our sins. He truly is the Redeemer of the world and I am so grateful that I have had the opportunity to get to know him through my own faith and testimony.
I know that miracles still exist because Isla's birth was a miracle as I am sure most moms feel as they hold their newborns. The love that is felt as your hold your new babe in your arms comes straight from heaven. It makes you wonder if this is how our Heavenly Father feels about us.
Thank you so much again for the wonderful love and support everyone has given us. We are so blessed and grateful that little Isla has come into our world. May you all have a Merry Christmas and feel our Savior's love for you this year.
