Today I
saw that KSL had posted a link to one of their articles about a top 10 list
that Utah had made. The list? The top 10 places for happy marriages. Utah’s rank? 2nd. Not too shabby, if you ask me. I saw that there were a few comments on the article,
so I started reading them. They were not
encouraging. Most of them were saying
that they didn’t believe it and that all of the people who were sampled
probably lied. I couldn’t help but think
about how sad that was. Judd and I have
been married 14 months now. I know that
we are still considered newlyweds and in that “honeymoon stage,” but a study
done Deakin
University in Australia shows that the first year of marriage is the
hardest. Looking back at this past year,
I can say that it was the best year of my life.
Sure, there were moments that were difficult, but through it all I have
come to love Judd even more that I thought I could. So then why am I writing this? Well, to all of the people out there who are
not married, almost married, or married, I wanted to share some advice with you
that I had never considered before.
People love to give advice. It isn’t always a bad thing. Yes, there is bad advice, but I have always been
under the impression that the more you learn about people’s experiences and
what they would have done differently, the more you can avoid heartbreak and disappointment. At two of my bridal showers, the guests were
asked to write down marriage advice on pieces of paper. I still have all of those papers and thought
that I had heard it all. There was no
piece of advice that I hadn’t received yet.
I am sure that everyone feels this way when it comes to marriage advice,
so I hope that as you read this, you will be open to hearing this advice and
really thinking about it. If you have
already heard it then great. It always
nice to be reminded. If you haven’t,
then I hope that you can learn something from what I am writing.
I would like to think that I
have always been ambitious. I probably
became this way through my family. My
mother always told me that I could anything and everything. My father would always be supportive of my
new interests and allow me to take new classes or try new things. And of course, I had to compete with my three
older sisters who are all extremely successful and creative. Let’s just say that from an early age, I knew
that I had big plans for my life.
When I met Judd, I knew that I wanted
to marry him. Not because he was good
looking or funny (both of which are pluses), but because I realized that he
could help me reach my goals and aspirations.
There was something about him that made me look at him in awe. Once we started dating, these realizations
were only confirmed as we slowly came to realize that we had the same hopes and
dreams for our futures. Unlike anyone I
had dated before, Judd was the one who wanted to be at the same place that I
wanted to be in 20, 30, or 70 years.
Now let me clarify, Judd and I
did not have the exact same goals. He
didn’t want to be a dance teacher like me.
He didn’t want to be a gourmet chef like me. He didn’t want to own a dog shelter like me. No, Judd had his own goals and his own career
choices that he wanted to pursue.
However, he did want a wife that could stay motivated and would be open
to try to new things. Since I am
constantly trying new things and starting new hobbies (like today I painted a
picture. ME. PAINTING A PICTURE), I knew that Judd could
help me fulfill those desires and support me through the way.
And that is the key part about
this advice. Is that it is different for
everyone. Not everyone has the same
goals and not everyone wants to be the same person. But, as you are looking for that someone who
you want to spend the rest of your life with, make sure that they can help you
fulfill your dreams. I know that sounds
so cheesy, but I promise that it is some of the best advice that I can give. If you find someone who helps you fulfill
your goals then you will never feel resentment towards them. You will never look at them and be angry that
they are holding you back. You will
never be upset and think that your life would be better if you weren’t tied to
them.
So what if you are already
married? Well, look at your spouse and
think about all that they have done for you—even if it is just the smile that
they give you when they see you. Think
about all of the moments that they have supported you. Can’t think of any? Start looking for them. I think that you will be surprised how many
times you find that your spouse wants to support you. The other day I told Judd that I wanted to
get into mountain biking. He suggested
that when we get back to Utah, we talk to my Uncle (who is REALLY into mountain
biking) and get some ideas on how to best get into it. For all we know, I may not be interested in
it anymore when we get back to Utah, but even Judd just suggesting that we talk
to my uncle shows that he is willing to support me.
And this advice shouldn’t just
go one way either. If you find someone
who fulfills your dreams, you better make sure that you are willing to help
fulfill theirs as well.
Well that is my little bit of
marriage advice. Looking for the moments
that Judd helps me fulfill my dreams and the moments that I help to fulfill his
are really gratifying. Here is to my
last 14 months with Judd and many, many more!
