To Changes and Hope!

I got a DSLR camera for my birthday/Christmas.  Let’s say it could not have come at a better time.  With only taking 6 credits this semester and it only being the first week of classes, I am already driving myself nuts.  I have already taken all of the quizzes in one of my classes for the entire semester and have begun lining up people for feature stories for my other class.  Already this semester seems foreign to me, even though this is my fourth year at BYU.  Maybe it is because I know that change is just around the corner and I am scared. 

I suck at change.  I have never been good at it.  Ask my mom, my sisters, Judd, probably even Nixon.  They can all confirm that when it comes to change I am a mess.  But at the same time that I am so scared for what is coming, I can’t help but feel some extreme excitement bubble up when I think about what my future holds.

I am going to be a mom.

I kind of already am, as I have been carrying this sweet little girl for the past seven months (has it really been seven months already?!?!).  I feel this deep, strong connection with her.  I love feeling her kick.  I love pushing my belly and feeling her shift and move.  I am amazed that I have been so blessed to have a child and to carry her.  I know it is a blessing that so many women want, but not every women can get.

I love being with Judd, watching him, seeing his mannerisms, and thinking, “I hope our baby is just like him.”  And how wonderful it is that she very well could be!  I love that she is just as much him as she is me.

I used to feel uncomfortable thinking that my body was no longer my own.  I used to crave to have my body back.  To not have to think about the life inside of me before I do anything.  But now I don’t mind that anymore.  Because I know that my baby needs me—the same way I need her.  And whenever I “forget” that she is there, she likes to kick me just to remind me.  Oh, what a sweet relationship we have with each other!  I already know that she is going to be a bit sassy, just like her mother.

I know that I still have two months to go, but when I think about what I have been through, I can’t help but feel grateful.  I have matured (finally) in ways that only a baby can make happen.  I finally understand why Heavenly Father commanded Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish the earth (Gensis 1:28).  It really does bring a joy that nothing else can relate to. 

So here is to a new year full of fun, adventures, and change.  Just to end with one of my new favorite quotes:

 “Dear God,

If today I lose my hope,

Please remind me that your plans are better than my dreams.”

I truly believe that our Heavenly Father loves us and has a plan for us.  How grateful I am to be given the opportunity to raise one of his precious children.  I know that I am not the only one who has had feelings of fear and confusion, but I promise that as long as you keep your faith it will get better!  Remember that you are loved!