I doubt most people look at their lives and think, “This is
exactly what I wanted out of life. This
is what I planned and now I have made it.”
If you are one of those few, then congratulations! I mean that with the most sincerity. You should be proud of the fact that you are
exactly where you want to be in life.
Now if you are not one of those people (like me) then I have two words
for you: It’s okay.
I am not where I want to be yet, but I am okay with
that. I have come to realize that life
is a journey, not a destination. And
although I am not where I want to be yet, I have hope that I can get there so
long as I keep my head up and keep trying.
I had a lot of questions when I was pregnant. I knew that they would all be answered once I
held my little baby in my arms. Well now
that Zoey is born, I can happily say that all of my questions have been
answered. Kind of. They have all been answered in different ways
than I would have expected. And guess
what? A lot of my answers were this: I
will get the real answer later. And I
have come to peace with that. Sometimes
not having the answers is part of the adventure. How boring would it be if you knew who the
murderer was halfway through your murder mystery novel?
One of my biggest set backs is playing the “What If” game. What if I had decided not to go to college?
What if I moved to NYC to pursue my dance dream? What if I had married Johnny who I had a
crush on in sixth grade? What if I gone
on a mission? What if? I often get distracted of looking at the
world and at my small part in it and think to myself, “Come on, Cam. You can do better than that.” But life isn’t about who is the best dancer,
or who has the hottest husband (even though I do). It is about becoming the best I personally
can be. One of my favorite quotes as of
late is by Sheri Dew.
“Life is a test. It is only a test--meaning that's all
it is. Nothing more, but nothing less. It is a test of our convictions and
priorities, our faith and faithfulness, our patience and resilience, and in the
end, our ultimate desires. It is a test to determine if we want to be part of
the kingdom of God more than we want anything else.”
So I can’t keep playing the “What If” game anymore. Because when I play that game my future is no
longer my own. It becomes trapped and
surrounded by distractions of my past decision.
And if my path is plagued by my past, then how can I carve a new road
for my future?
I know that this blog post has a lot of rambling, but I just
wanted to say that I am in control of my future. I am writing these words more for me than for
my readers, but the truth is, I am not limited.
Everyday is a new chance for me to show Heavenly Father that I am
capable of being tested. Zoey has been
my biggest test so far, but I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for giving that
test to me.
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