Past Due Date Rants

My hospital bag has been packed for two weeks already and my due date has come and gone and still no baby.  I know that most first babies come late, but seriously?  I am dying already. I know all of the tips and tricks to induce labor and have done all of them (castor oil and other laxatives as the exception). I just want this baby already!

I had Judd give me a blessing the other night because I have been driving myself (and probably him) nuts. He must have been getting promptings to tell me to be patient because he kept saying that over and over again. It is just super lame, because I keep getting contractions and I am so sure that I am going into labor but it just turns out to braxton-hicks and false labor.

Mom came to visit me yesterday which was great.  We ended up walking around Target and buying lots of stuff that I will  never need. Plus she stopped by Trader Joe's on her way down here and bought me tons of junk food that I will never need.  She knows exactly how to cheer me up! I am so grateful for such a good mom who helps me calm down and put things into perspective.

On a completely different note, I do have to admit that I am very proud of myself. Two nights was the first night in about a week that I got out of bed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.  A few nights ago Judd was at a basketball game and I was watching Netflix and playing around on my laptop. I had a friend who posted on Facebook a scary video and said, "I screamed a few seconds into this video! Don't watch it before you go to bed!" So what did I do?

I watched it.

I am an idiot.

I am such a wuss.  I should have known better.  Not only was I scared senseless, but I have been terrified to get out of bed to run to the bathroom at night. I usually just try to go back to sleep until it is a little lighter outside and then go. I know that that probably isn't the best idea, but I haven't wet the bed yet!  And two nights ago, I got out of bed without being scared so hopefully it is all over now.

But anyway, I have been very bummed about not having a baby in my arms yet. I know that it is only a matter of time, but like I said in a previous post every day feels like a week! I am just lucky that Judd has been really nice. I have no idea how he can be so patient with me but somehow he manages (Office reference, anyone??).

On a different note, have I mentioned that our summer destination this year is San Diego? I can't wait! We are living in La Jolla to be exact. Judd's brother and wife who will be coming with us are in the area right now and checked out the apartment complex we will be living in. They said it is only five minutes away from the beach. This is going to be the best summer of my life. I can just see myself now playing with Baby Girl and Nixon at the beach. If I visualize that baby will be here then she has to come, right? I can't stay pregnant forever!

Well hopefully next time I write I will have a sweet newborn in my arms. Until then, Somehow I Manage (Michael Scott's book title, in case you didn't get it).

Any Day Now...

When everyone first started telling  me Just wait until the end of your pregnancy!  Every day feels like a week then!, I gladly welcomed those words.  I thought that I would  never be ready to have a baby and the more time I had on  my side, the better.  Especially since at the beginning of my pregnancy I felt like weeks were flying by at a time.

However, now that I am at the end of my pregnancy, I have to admit that everyone was right.  I look at my calendar everyday and think Really?  Only one day has passed since yesterday?  Good gracious!  It is so true.  Every day does feel like a week.  But hopefully this pregnancy does not last forever and that I will eventually have this baby.

Judd and I went to the doctor and then the chiropractor on Tuesday.  Everything went really well at both.  The doctor gave me a lot of hope stating that he thinks I will be in labor early next week (please let that be sooner than later).  That is great news considering the fact that at my last visit he told me that he thought that baby would be a week past her due date!  So I am holding on hope that my doctor's intuition and experience will prove to be correct.

Later that day at the chiropractors I had a really cool experience.  I had never been to a chiropractor before.  Judd has been going to one all of his life so he walked in completely confident and knew exactly what to expect.  We were both getting adjusted and as I watched the chiropractor adjust Judd's neck, I thought I was going to pass out!  I thought that he was going to snap Judd's neck for sure!  But of course he didn't and Judd admits that he hasn't felt this good in a long time.

The chiropractor soon began to adjust me and he kept commenting on how I was shaking.  I was so nervous!  I know I shouldn't have been, but I couldn't help myself.  Once I was finally able to calm down, he did some muscle testing with me.

I don't know how many of you are familiar with muscle testing (I didn't know what it was until Judd explained it to me), but one aspect of it is that you can associate different emotions with it.  While the chiropractor was testing me, my arm was unable to hold strong and the chiropractor stopped right there.

He put my arm down, looked me in the eye and said some pretty amazing things.  He told me things that I believe that every expecting mother should hear regardless of if it is her first child or her last.

He said that this is the first time my baby has ever felt any mortal pain.  She probably learned all about pain in spirit school, but has yet to experience it and is probably very afraid.  She needs to be loved and encouraged to come into this world.  She needs to know that her mother and father love her and that she is coming to a good home that will take care of her.  She needs to be told (out loud) that we are anticipating her arrival and can't wait to meet her, snuggle her, and love her.  I shouldn't be afraid because when I am scared, she feels the fear too.  So instead of fear, I should just feel love and encouragement.  She needs to be encouraged daily to come.  How beautiful?

That has really helped me see the effect that I have on my baby girl.  I have since tried to be strong and encourage her every chance I get.  Judd and I talk to her every night to reassure her how much we love and care for her.  Now baby just needs to get here so we can physically hold her and show her!

I Love Staring Contests

I would just like to begin this post by apologizing to all of the pregnant women who I have ever stared at.  I don't know if I am the only one (actually I know I am not), but for some reason whenever I see a pregnant woman I just can't help but stare.  A million thoughts suddenly go through my head.

How much longer does she have?

Wow!  She looks good!

Wow!  She looks exhausted!

Oops! Her pants are falling off.

I wonder if I could pull off that outfit even though I am not pregnant. -->This was pre-pregnancy

I always wondered if I was the only person who noticed the large, round woman waddling past me, but as I now know I am NOT the only one who notices these women.  How do I know this?  Because I have never been stared at more in my entire life than I have these past few months.  Seriously though.  And the funny thing about it is that it makes me feel so self-conscious.  My first thought is usually, Oh no!  Is my belly showing from underneath my shirt?  Because let's be honest.  I think that has happened to every pregnant women in public at least once.  After doing my quick shirt check, I end up trying to figure out what else could to happening to me that would make people stare.

It wasn't until a few weeks ago, that I came to the realization that it isn't anything wrong, it is just that I am pregnant and for some reason people like to stare at pregnant women.  It is especially funny when I make eye contact with these people to let them know that I clearly see them staring at me and they just continue to stare back.  Awkward.

On a completely different note, Judd and I took Nix to the park today.  Ever since my doctor's appointment last week I have tried to be really active.  It turns out that my baby girl is floating right now.  Since I am still a week and a half away from my due date, it isn't that big of a deal, but if she doesn't start dropping soon then it could lead to her being born late and we might need medical intervention.

Fortunately, I have a very wise and kind, big sister Brittany who did some research on how to get baby engaged for labor.  I have been drinking lots of raspberry leaf tea, sitting on my exercise ball constantly (including right now), walking everywhere, doing cat/cow yoga poses, and planning a trip to the chiropractor.

My doctor informed me that one of the many possible reasons why baby is still floating is that this means she and my pelvis bone aren't getting along and that she might have a hard time fitting through the birth canal.  So all of the things that I have been doing are to help my body reposition so that it will be an easy fit and that I will need as little medical intervention as possible (in other words, no c-section).  I truly believe that by doing these things and by giving myself positive affirmations directed by Judd, that everything will work out just fine.

Back to the park, it really was a fun day.  There were a few other dogs there and Nixon had a great time running around with them and playing fetch.  I am hoping for many more days like today so we can keep going back!

Here are some pictures from today and if any of you have any other suggestions on how to reposition my body for an easy delivery I would love to hear it!

Full-term and Feeling It

Tomorrow I will be 38 weeks pregnant!  That means only two more weeks until our little baby girl is here.  Although it could be easily longer than that.  Today at the doctor’s, he said that she is still up really high and that there is a chance she will be coming late.  Super lame. 

This whole journey has been such a weird experience. For months I was in denial thinking that there was no way this was happening.  I was not pregnant.  I was not going to give birth.  I was not going to be a mother yet.

But that is not how life works.  Everyday the sun sets.  Everyday that sun rises.  Seconds, minutes, and hours pass and life goes on.  You can’t stop it and you can’t fight it (believe me, I have tried).  It has taken me forever to get to this point and now that I am finally here, my only wish is that time would go faster! 

I am dying to hold this little baby in my arms.  I hate this waiting game.  Every mother I have ever talked to has said that the past few weeks are the worst.  I would for sure agree with that.  Not only is my body constantly in pain and the nausea I felt during my first trimester has come back, but now I am super anxious to go into labor.

I am probably a little paranoid because every time I have a new ache or my body does some new pre-labor sign, I immediately grab my baby book and call my sisters.  Thank goodness for technology!  Unfortunately, it has all been false alarms so far.  But just wait!  One of these days it won’t be!

I also have to give a shout-out to my beautiful sister Brittany.  She took my maternity photos a couple weeks ago and I can’t even begin to describe how talented she is!  Believe me; if she can make me at 36 weeks pregnant look good then she can make anyone look good!

Here are some of my favorites from the shoot.  Hopefully the next time I am writing on this blog I will be holding a baby in my arms! 

Reward Systems

I am a big believer in reward systems.  Take my primary kids for example.  I hype those kids up on so much sugar when they behave well in my class that I am sure their mothers hate me.  But hey, it gets them to listen (because of the treat) and I don’t have to worry about controlling the kids for two hours straight. 

Maybe I am a big believer in reward systems because I know how well they work for me.  I have trained and ran a few half-marathons in my time and there was only one thing that motivated me to go running.  If I trained, I could go get a frozen hot chocolate from Dairy Queen.  And those frozen hot chocolates pulled me through so many agonizing hours of training.  I feel like most people get to a point while running that they begin to like it.  I never did.  I hated running the first day I ran and I still hate it.  That is where my rewards system came in.

So why am I writing about this?  Well, today I did something brave.  Because I did something brave, I got to eat the entire last row of brownies from the pan.  What brave thing did I do?  I posted a picture of my baby bump. 

Honestly, I don’t have a good reason for why I haven’t posted one sooner.  Maybe it was because I didn’t want to seem cliché, or maybe I was trying to be “different”.  I am sure a lot of it had to deal with the fact that I have just recently had the realization that I am pregnant and will be having a baby in two months.   And going along with not realizing I am pregnant, I also have been having some body-image issues.  Yes, I know I am psycho for feeling that way, but when you mentally can’t wrap your mind around the idea that you are growing a baby and your body is changing, you start to feel self-conscious about the way you look.

But no more of that.  I am turning a new leaf and from now on I will proud of my body and baby bump.  Especially since I only have 72 more days until this baby bump is gone!  Well, let’s hope it is gone.  I am sure that I will still have to work hard to get it gone all the way.

But when I think about holding this sweet, little girl in my arms I know that all of my body issues/insecurities will melt away.  I can already start to feel them leaving.  I am proud that I will be a mother.  Not in the way that I want to flaunt it or brag about it, but more in the way that I want my baby girl to know that I am so blessed to be her mom.  I already know that she is such a choice spirit of Heavenly Father.  I know His love for her and am so excited that I get to share in that love. 

So from now on I am going to get over my fears and remember that my baby is bigger than my issues.  Here is to posting baby bump pictures, decorating a nursery, reading parenting books, studying birthing techniques, and sharing my love with everyone I meet!

To Changes and Hope!

I got a DSLR camera for my birthday/Christmas.  Let’s say it could not have come at a better time.  With only taking 6 credits this semester and it only being the first week of classes, I am already driving myself nuts.  I have already taken all of the quizzes in one of my classes for the entire semester and have begun lining up people for feature stories for my other class.  Already this semester seems foreign to me, even though this is my fourth year at BYU.  Maybe it is because I know that change is just around the corner and I am scared. 

I suck at change.  I have never been good at it.  Ask my mom, my sisters, Judd, probably even Nixon.  They can all confirm that when it comes to change I am a mess.  But at the same time that I am so scared for what is coming, I can’t help but feel some extreme excitement bubble up when I think about what my future holds.

I am going to be a mom.

I kind of already am, as I have been carrying this sweet little girl for the past seven months (has it really been seven months already?!?!).  I feel this deep, strong connection with her.  I love feeling her kick.  I love pushing my belly and feeling her shift and move.  I am amazed that I have been so blessed to have a child and to carry her.  I know it is a blessing that so many women want, but not every women can get.

I love being with Judd, watching him, seeing his mannerisms, and thinking, “I hope our baby is just like him.”  And how wonderful it is that she very well could be!  I love that she is just as much him as she is me.

I used to feel uncomfortable thinking that my body was no longer my own.  I used to crave to have my body back.  To not have to think about the life inside of me before I do anything.  But now I don’t mind that anymore.  Because I know that my baby needs me—the same way I need her.  And whenever I “forget” that she is there, she likes to kick me just to remind me.  Oh, what a sweet relationship we have with each other!  I already know that she is going to be a bit sassy, just like her mother.

I know that I still have two months to go, but when I think about what I have been through, I can’t help but feel grateful.  I have matured (finally) in ways that only a baby can make happen.  I finally understand why Heavenly Father commanded Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish the earth (Gensis 1:28).  It really does bring a joy that nothing else can relate to. 

So here is to a new year full of fun, adventures, and change.  Just to end with one of my new favorite quotes:

 “Dear God,

If today I lose my hope,

Please remind me that your plans are better than my dreams.”

I truly believe that our Heavenly Father loves us and has a plan for us.  How grateful I am to be given the opportunity to raise one of his precious children.  I know that I am not the only one who has had feelings of fear and confusion, but I promise that as long as you keep your faith it will get better!  Remember that you are loved!

Yeah For Awkward Christmas Cards!

Wray Family's 2013 Christmas Letter

2013 has been a great year for the Wray’s.  We have been surrounded by good people and experienced things that have made us grow closer to each other than we ever thought possible. 

Judd

Judd’s year started off with him finishing up his pre-requisites for BYU’s accounting program and then later getting accepted into the program.  He has been working hard and studying long hours so that he can get good grades and be recruited to work for one of the Big 4 once he graduates.  If Camie wasn’t already used to him working such long hours during the summer, she probably would have driven herself nuts with how much time he spends in the library.  But for as hard as he works, he plays just as hard.  This year Judd scored the winning goal in the championship game for his BYU intramural soccer league.  He is once again a champion and even has a t-shirt to prove it. 

It wasn’t until Thanksgiving break when Judd and Camie saw Disney’s Frozen that Judd had his most embarrassing moment of 2013.  Judd and Camie were discussing Frozen after they saw it when Judd turned to her and said, “You know, Tangled and Frozen are two of my favorite shows right now (in that order).”  And there you have it.  Two weeks later Judd asked Camie if she would go see it with him again in theatres so they went.  Now we know that Judd’s kryptonite is Disney princess movies. 

Camie

Camie also was accepted into her program of choice at BYU: Public Relations.  She only wishes that she had listened to her mom her freshmen year of college when her mom told her that she needed to major in PR.  Instead, Camie decided to try every other major on campus before realizing her love for PR.  And after trying to weasel her way out of having to work this summer, Judd finally convinced Camie to apply for an internship at a data center company in DC.  Camie loved her summer interning for this data center company and now can tell you anything you want to know about colocation and the cloud.

                

When Camie had the opportunity to take Judd to Disneyland for the first time ever this year, she was so excited!  However, while eating at the ESPN restaurant in Downtown Disney, Camie left the table to take use the restroom.  She walked into the bathroom, spotted two men washing their hands at the think, mentally called them perverts for being in the women’s bathroom, noticed a few urinals against the wall, and walked to the only stall in the bathroom before realizing that she was in the men’s bathroom.  She turned to face the two men staring at her, apologized and then b-lined it for the door. Since suffering from the embarrassment of that experience, she now checks out every bathroom sign before entering.

               

Nixon

Nixon’s favorite part of 2013 was going to Dog Park with Camie every day this summer.  He would play with the other dogs, run around for hours, and try to get as many strangers to pet him as possible.  There was one day at the Dog Park when Camie decided to play with another little Westie instead of Nixon.  Nixon was too busy playing with some other dogs, so Camie didn’t think he would mind.  She was petting the other Westie and talking to its owner when Nixon walked right up to Camie and decided to pee on her leg.  I guess Nixon was trying to show the other Westie that Camie was his owner and not to get any ideas.  Of course, Camie immediately took Nixon home to wash her jeans and jump in the shower.  After some serious talks, Nixon now knows that it is impolite to mark his spot on people.

                

Baby Wray

Last but definitely not least, Camie and Judd found out this year that in March of 2014 they will be having their first child!  Their baby girl has brought so much love into their home already and they can’t wait to meet her already.  Baby Girl loves going to yoga class with Camie and always starts kicking when she hears Judd’s voice.  She loves making Camie crave hot chocolate and pickles (weird combination) and thinks it is funny to make Camie’s belly bounce up and down whenever she tries to run.  Baby Girl is already being spoiled by her parents, aunts and uncles, friends, and grandparents!  Camie has been busy planning the nursery and Judd has been making sure she doesn’t spend too much money on baby clothes, but usually gives in when he sees how cute the outfits are.

                

We will always be grateful for the year 2013 and can’t wait to see what 2014 has in store for us!  Thanks to all of the love and support from our family and friends.  We wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!